When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
that may or may not have been my penis.
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