proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
