i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
