She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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