I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
