I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
