Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he shaved USA in his pubs
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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