She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
