And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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