I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
