my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
