exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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