Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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