So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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