Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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