hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
