i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
