If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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