so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
