it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize