TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
