get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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