Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
