Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
