Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
