then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
