No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
