I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
