Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
