Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
