In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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