if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
