for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
