Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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