if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we made out on top of his cat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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