Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
