when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were destined to go to rehab together
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
