How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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