I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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