we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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