Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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