i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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