Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
