My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
