i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
