I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
