Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
