so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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