Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
