if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
