and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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