Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
