Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
