how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
