Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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