he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
