you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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