I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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