Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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