So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
