i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
