My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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