My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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