so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
