i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
