I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
