Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize