You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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