When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
a search helicopter?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
