hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
