sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
