just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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