i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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