I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
