wat bout pragnant strippers??
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize