They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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