I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
