how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
